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| So another week is basically over; this year is already flying by. I shouldn't be surprised, but I still am a little. You expect it to go fast, but are still a bit floored when time goes by so quickly. I've been thinking about this a lot today...on how things change and how time goes by so fast. I suppose it was brought on by a few things. One, looking back on my summer and thinking on how I've changed a lot in just the span of a few months. Two, I was looking at a few pictures from when I was a kid (I was quite cute by the way...well, prior to the awkward teenage years anyway :)) Three, my mom sent me a copy of a picture I drew that had been published in the newspaper. When I was a kid the Waterloo Courier used to publish drawing of local children, and my parents sent in my drawings a lot because I used to draw all the time. This particular drawing was of a Native American and a teepee. It was so me because I put so many details in it (of which my mom commented on). I was such a detail-oriented child, and I was also a bit of a perfectionist. If something wasn't exactly the way I wanted it, I would erase it and try again. I was kind of that way with my school work too; I loved getting a perfect paper.
It's amazing to look back and see how much I've changed, and at the same time, I still see aspects of the child I used to be in me today. I'm not nearly as much of a worrier or perfectionist as I was as a child; that's totally a God thing there. Most of the time I'm very calm and relaxed. Even though I still have the tendency to notice and remember details, I've become a much more big picture type person as well.
At the same time, I still have the sarcastic mouth I even had at a young age. Only God knows how my parents put up with it; there's actually video of me when I was about 5 or 6 making sarcastic comments to my dad while he was carving a pumpkin. I even had the eye roll down too. I'm still sarcastic, but now I try to limit myself and am much more aware of what hurts peoples' feelings. Some sarcasm is good and can be funny, but it really doesn't have too much value. We're meant to encourage each other, not tear each other down.
Also, like the child, I still absolutely love to read. That passion has never lessened; it may have even grown, but mostly what has changed is the time I have available to read and my social skills. Most of the time when I was younger, I would choose a good book or a friend or being social any day of the week. These days, I'm not nearly as much of an introvert (although it's still at my core :)), and God has shown me the incredible value of fellowship and friends.
The most amazing changes have been in the last year and even few months of my life. Most of that has to do with looking at everything through God's lense and seeing the His purposes in everything. I'm far from having it all figured out and there's plenty of times where I slip back into Me-mode, but for the most part the way I look at everything has changed. I'm really excited to see how this affects my last year here at Iowa; it already has in many ways, and some awesome things are already in the works. It's so awesome that I know it's all God because I could never think of these things or create these opportunities on my own. This is already getting long, so I'll maybe write more on that some other time. With all that's going on now, only God knows what's in store after graduation :)
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| Well, it's the middle of the week..yay! Yesterday was amazing! It was definitely an incredible gift from God, but the day didn't start out too well. I woke up at 6 because I had to head to Mercy Hospital to do my clinical rotation in Labor and Delivery. I was excited for that, but I didn't sleep well the previous night and didn't wake up in the best of moods. I kind of had a negative attitude going into the day, and I knew it. Thankfully, God changed my heart, and my attitude improved.
When I got there, they were already busy. There were a few women in labor already, and one C-section was scheduled. I got to watch it; it was so exciting! You could just feel the anticipation because you knew as the doctor cut through each layer of tissue a baby was that much closer to being born! It goes so fast...it's amazing. I won't go into graphic detail because I know some of you can't handle that well :) The moment the baby arrived was so awesome! You just get chills at the first glimpse and when they belt out that first cry. The look on the father's face was timeless. He was in awe and had to capture every moment of it on video. My favorite part was when they first gave to baby for him to hold and he took it over to mom. I don't really have to words to express how moving it is to witness the moment a mother first sees her child.
Right after that, I rushed over to another room because another woman was about ready to deliver. She was amazing; you could tell this was her third child because she knew exactly what to do. Her husband was a pro too; he knew just what to do that would be useful and was so supportive. In this room too you could feel the anticipation; it's like the climax of a great book or for those of you who don't read a movie :) It had heightened significantly sense the time I'd last been in the room because she knew it was almost time for her baby to be here! When her little girl arrived it was just as moving to me as the first. The moment mom saw that baby, and she was put in her arms, she forgot all about the work and pain she'd just experienced. Her focus was all on her child; you could just see the love all over her face. It was radiant.
There ended up being two emergency c-sections that day; I practically have the procedure memorized in my mind now :) The day had started off with 2 girls and ended with 2 boys being born. Each one was so amazing to be a part of. Of course I enjoyed seeing surgery and all the technical aspects in nursing, but it was most incredible to have the privilege to witness the miracle of life. To see the looks on those parents' faces and that first interaction with their child is something I'll never forget. And it wouldn't have been possible if they hadn't allowed me to be there. Naturally, seeing something like that makes me want it for myself, but that's all in God's timing. I trust Him.
Well, that was my AMAZING day in labor and delivery. The rest of the day went well, and ironically, I had Health Promotion for Older Adult class that evening. I covered both ends of the spectrum in one day :)
P.S. Congrats to my parents for making it 25 years together yesterday! To me, that is definitely a miracle.
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| Okay, so another week is over. It may have only been 4 days, but it was a busy and tiring 4 days. I started off Tuesday with work 7-3:30. I'm still going through the orientation process on my floor which is orthopedics and urology. I like it so far. Most of the patients have been awesome to work with (there is always the exception). Everyone I have worked with has been really friendly, and the person orienting me has been great. She is really helpful in showing me the routine of the floor and where to find everything. I don't really like orienting because although it's easier because I don't have to work on my own, I also don't quite know what I'm doing on the floor. It made me feel better when she said I was doing a great job, and I'm the easiest person she's ever had to orient. Soon I'll probably be ready to go on my own. At some point you just have to dive in, and do it on your own.
The day wasn't over with work; then I had night class at 6. Although I actually like the class so far. I'm taking Health Promotion for Older Adults. I like how it focuses on keeping older adults healthy and implementing and creating exercise programs for them. That was Tuesday. Wednesday started off with my absolute favorite class..tennis! It's such a stress reliever for me because I really enjoy playing even though I'm not that great. Thanks Erin for getting me started a couple years ago! It's so much fun. I'm pretty sure our TA is really amused by Steph, Dani, and me, but I don't blame him. We're pretty crazy. It's been fun to see Dani get a little intense playing tennis :) Today, we were all especially a little crazy.
The rest of Wednesday involved me going to the hospital (I practically live there these days) to prep for my first pediatric clinical and then coming back home and finishing my prep. It's a lot of work and takes awhile. So then, Thursday was clinical..day number 2 of the week of getting up at 6 am. It was a little easier this time. On Thursday clinical went by really smoothly, but it was really sad too. My first patient was a five month old baby boy who had suffered severe brain damage from being suffocated. I won't go into the details because of confidentiality issues, but basically it involved his parents' negligence. It was just heartbreaking to see this cute little boy with arms and legs so rigid and eyes unable to track movement with little hope of ever recovering. It's tough to see things like, but you just have to accept it or you'll go crazy with all the sadness. You just have to do your best in taking care of people and pray for them. The rest is up to God. It's hard to trust that God has a plan when you see things like that, but He does. I know from first hand experience and witnessing it in other's lives that God can do amazing things with horrible and heartbreaking circumstances.
Well, that was the gist of my week. Overall, it was good and bad..that's usually how it goes :) Personally, I came to some conclusions of things I need to change and pray about. I don't want to get so much into a routine that God has no room to work in my life because that's what it's all about. Even the things that are routine, God can use if I open myself up to the possibilities because I'm His tool. Although, why He chose to use me, I'll never quite comprehend. I guess it shows how awesome He is if He can use someone as weak and klutzy as me in His work.
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| Lately, it seems like the number one hot topic is, of course, relationships. It is always high up on the list because it's a fascinating topic. Relationships are simple and complex all at the same time (probably what makes them so fascinating). They're also something I'd say most if not all people want to have, so naturally, we talk about it...a lot. It's been wired into us since the beginning of time to want to have someone to partner with and have as a companion on this earth (e.g. God said it was not good for man to be alone) so of course we're going to have that desire.
Through all this talk and throughout the last year of my life, I've really come to see that all I really need is God. You're probably thinking, but didn't you just say we're all wired to want an earthly mate? Yes, it is true; we are wired that way. However, after that thing most of us call the Fall where sin came into the world, God's perfection on earth was temporarily ruined.
One major thing that has suffered from sin is the relationship between a man and woman. In perfection, husbands and wives were meant to partner together in God's mission, working better together to advance His kingdom than apart. When sin entered the world, that relationship got distorted in many ways. Many times relationships and marriages hinder people from living out God's mission in their lives because their husband or wife is not on board with that same mission. On a positive note, I have seen relationships and marriages where God's mission is the center of their lives and that's what brought them together. It is an amazing thing to see because, although not perfect, it's a small glimpse of what God intended life for us to be like.
I'm sure many of you have read what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7 about unmarried people being able to solely focus on God's work. It's true. Even though being single is not God's original plan, sometimes it is best because of the imperfections in the world, specifically in marriage and relationships. Singles can do great things for God if they are relying solely on Him and allowing Him control in their lives. I mean look at Paul and all he did to advance God's kingdom. This is where the whole only needing God thing comes in (way back from the beginning :)) In this sinful world, He's the only one we can truly depend on to never let us down and fulfill us completely.
So, if you're single, you need to guard your singleness, although I know from my own experience sometimes I really don't want to, and from talking with people, I know this is true for others at times. Often times we want to rush into things or settle for something less than what God wants for us because we're impatient. But really, it all comes down to trusting God with your life. Most issues in life come down to trusting God because it's so hard for us to do. Basically, if you're single, keep trusting God and following hard after Him. If He has someone for you to partner with, it'll happen...in His time.
*Note: Most of this is not purely my original thought on the spot, and I've discussed most of it in some form with various people over time. I'm also not implying that I don't ever struggle or that I have all the answers because I definitely don't. Basically, it's my two cents on the subject, maybe more like 39 cents, I got a little long-winded. Good thing I don't have to pay postage for this. Read it if you like, or not. I pretty much write because I like to, and if people want to read it that's fine.
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| Loving things like you has wrecked my life, made me cry
Loving things like you has made me lose my mind
And I can't figure out why I've been hanging on
To all these things I've tried to leave behind me for so long
And I think it's time to find a better way to live my life
Than loving all those thingsthat keep me wrapped so tight
Everyone wants everyone else's eveything
Some time's the more we have the less we really gain
I'm tired of life and all that money has to buy
Get out of my heart, out of my mind, leaving you behind
Loving things like you has left me bruised, black and blue
Loving things like you has made me so confused
And I can't figure out what I've been waiting on
God I can't be living for things I know are wrong
Now I think it's time to write a better chapter in my life
Leaving all those things that keep me wrapped so tight
Why are we obsessed with possessions here on earth?
Go and take a look at the flowers and the birds
God is always taking care of nature's every need
And how much more important in The Father's eyes are we?
I said, how much more important in The Father's eyes are we?
He sees everything.
-Sanctus Real "Things Like You"
This song has been in my head all week. Pretty much something I've
been thinking about the past few months..just about letting go of all
things in this world, the things everyone tells me I should want, even
some of my own dreams and ambitions. Until I do, I'm just living out
my own story and missing out on being a part of God's, which is so much
bigger and better than anything there is. And hey, if I'm a part of
His story, I couldn't be in better hands :)
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